Dear Xiwen --- A Letter from The Younger Me

Dear Xiwen,

With all the epidemic diseases and crimes going around, I am really glad and thank God that you survive through this mangled world until where you are now! Every breath is a blessing, isn't it? This is the first letter I have ever written to you, even though it is a bit late (the letter should be written 3 years ago so that 3 years later you can read it, but, nahh it's ok you won't mind, just assume that this is another procrastinated work of yourself, haha), I hope that you are in whatever colour you prefer now. 

Life was tough during high school time. Waking up at 5am, taking the bus at 6am, reaching the school at 7am, prefect duties, school works, cocurriculum activities, meetings, reaching home around 7.30pm, and maybe having tuition at 8.15pm. Yeah it sounds crazy, but that was the life you had for 5 years! Every Jit Sinese living in Nibong Tebal should be crowned as survivors, hahaha. We do all these so that one day we can get into the public university. The aim is crystal clear and everyone is fighting for it, and probably fights for a scholarship as well so that we can go overseas while securing a job upon graduation. Your life slows down after SPM, gets better during matriculation time, and hits the laziest ground in university.



If you remember, I am a very very ambitious person, or else you would not be in the Faculty of Environmental Studies of UPM now. Maybe I am not as outspoken as you are now, but I would definitely go for what I want and fight for the cause I believe in. This is the quote that I have been using as motivation:

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams!
Live the life as you imagined.
--- Henry David Thoreau

The quote is stated on one of the very nice grey-coloured notebook given by a quite important friend. Holding on to this belief and wadding against the trend, you are finally at the place you have longed for.

I understand that this life you are going through now is not quite the same as you imagined and sometimes you feel lost or even question yourself on this decision, to take the least taken path. The knowledges you obtain in classes seem lacking in deepness, the equipment available is lacking in quantity and quality, the learning environment is lacking in competitiveness and proactiveness. Everything you do seems lacking in satisfaction. You feel alone sometimes, and you work so hard to stand out, to prove that it is worth for the mental and emotional struggles.

Sometimes a tough life is a better life (tough as in packed but satisfying upon task completion, you won't abuse yourself, will you?). I believe that you were very not used to the life of slacking and procrastinating at the beginning, but now it has been almost three years, you have kinda blended into the culture here (except that temper that makes you stand out, haha). You sense the danger of relaxing in the comfort zone, but working hard alone is just too...lonely. 

Well, I am not here to provide any advice since you are more experienced than me already, just want to let you know that your inner voice is heard and I am always be with you. Giving up is not a choice, but letting go those negative influences is surely a very helpful thing to do before you eventually get hold onto your life target again. 



Love,
Xiwen from the past