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Friday, 13 November 2015

Once Upon A Time...

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
--- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
A few years ago, I found God, I found my soul mate, I found the kindest people in this world, I found my best buddy on Earth, I found the way to love my family and people around me. Love is really something that adds spices to my life. It can be sweet, sour, bitter and spicy at the same time, making me feel complete in my life. Everything was good. Eventually, I got into the university of my choice, found my passions, and had a close relationship with God. Life had never been so wonderful before.

One of my favourite photos, taken in 2014 at Penang Butterfly Farm.

However, things only went on well for a year or two. Gradually darkness fell, consuming the happiness surrounding me. I felt that pieces of me were taken away slowly, bit by bit, and I was like a fish losing the ability to swim, submerging into deep sorrow as days went by. Of course I didn't want to succumb to the bad side of life. I struggled, hard, trying to set myself free. But I was chained down by things I was not willing to let go, things that I held dearly to my heart, things that I once believed it would last a lifetime.

I knew this person the time I got to know my soul mate. There was a click between us, that we laughed at each other's jokes, felt comfortable with each other's presence and supported each other whenever we faced the down parts of life. We had done stupid things together, talked about future, had fun even if life wasn't easy. The time was short, but we lived it to the fullest, that I felt so blessed in this life. We were not couple, we never dated each other, and of course we never fell in love with each other. We were more like siblings who fight and care at times.

I was pretty confused when things changed quickly. Despite of his claim that he still cared for me, he had turned to people closer to him in terms of distance when we parted our route to pursue our respective dreams. He interacted more with other people, and often forgot to notice me. Distance was not a problem in this century when we have internet, but this invisible barrier was built as he lived his life as usual, without me. I was watching from afar, trying hard to get him back to my side. Every attempt was painful, so pain that I cried lots of time, I cried the tears that I had never shed. Sometimes I thought I was healed from this wound, but it turned out that I still actually cared the fact that he had moved on with his life and I was not needed anymore. Love became something I despised. It once raised me up, and now, it was pulling me down, pinning me at the bottom of the deep deep water.

Beautiful sky with natural colour, no filter.

And yeah, it has been more than one year. Love is really not easy in reality when there are so many things and people that you do not agree with. Let time does its job and I shall have a rest from all these emotional cr*p. Thanks for reading until the end. 

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